Hi readers,
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| In a sea of people, yet I feel alone.
Have you ever felt like the whole world got on a train and left you stranded? If you have, you know how I feel. Right now I don't understand anything. The world leaves me lonely, confused, and a little frustrated. I don't know when it will get better. People keep saying it will, but it's hard to believe when the whole world seems to know something you don't. I'm trying to figure out what I'm missing. I have a good life. Everything seems awesome right now but it feels like I'm missing something. I'm so jealous because everybody else understands life or at least have a good handling on it. When will I understand? When will I get my aha moment? At one point I thought I had it figured out, then life threw me a curve ball and I'm starting to strike out. I don't know if I'm going to get off the bench again. I might be on the bench of life for a while. I got to get my head in the game. I just don't know how life was so simple when my biggest problem was if I was going to get a bad grade in class that day. Now, I think now I'm getting a bad grade in life. I don't understand why or how. I didn't even think it was possible, but seems like the worlds coming down with strange problems. I'm so used to having all these problems that I just knew how to solve. One of these days I'm going to figure it out, but right now I don't understand. Usually, I have some type of boulder in the way. I just knew how to push but now there's a super heavy boulder, that I stopped trying to push, you would think I'd be happy, right? Everything is coming tumbling down with crazy things going wrong. Is this supposed to be my happy moment? Is this supposed to be my moment? When will I know when my moment will come? I have been turning the lemons into lemonade for so long I don't know when it will be over. Everybody's trying to silence me but my voice can not be silenced. Everyone says I'm overreacting and being a drama queen. I don't understand how I'm overreacting. I don't understand this anymore. I used to be this perfect little girl that no one was mean to. What happened to the backbone? I seem like somebody else is taking my place. Have I been replaced? I thought I was irreplaceable. I guess I was wrong. I used to be an A B honor roll student but now I'm getting C's and B's and barely getting that. Everyone compares me to what used to be. Maybe, I want to find my destiny. Maybe, I just don't want to be that girl anymore. Although she seems perfect, she was under so much pressure. She talked to no one. She didn't have friends because of her depression and she pretended to be who she is not. She might have seen perfect on the outside but inside she was torturing herself... I was torturing myself, suffocating myself in the sea of depression, pretending the world had happily ever afters but it doesn't it's a twisted paradise. I didn't know how to handle it so I make myself stay in my own world but that world isn't working out anymore. I leave you lost and confused wondering who I am now. I will figure it out.
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Good luck on your own on your own journeys of self discovery, readers (if I have any).
